Weinstein
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Harvey Weinstein is in South Park and is up to his old tricks. Who will stop him?


Ext. Bijou Theatre.

It was a rainy night and Stephen and Linda Stotch were outside the theatre about to see Joker.

Linda: I'm so glad we're seeing this movie Stephen.

Stephen: I know.

Linda: We haven't really done anything together for 7 months.

Stephen: I know.

Linda: You sure you haven't been seeing other men?

Stephen: I swear Linda, I haven't.

Linda hands her ticket to the clerk.

Stephen was about to hands his ticket, until the wind blew it out of his hand.

Stephen: Oh no.

The ticket flew into a stream of water.

Stephen started to make chase to ticket.

Linda: Stephen.

Stephen: I'll catch up with you Linda.

Stephen continued to make chase, until the ticket fell into a sewer grate.

Stephen: No!

Stephen falls to his knees and stares at the swear grate.

Stephen: Well there's 5 dollars I'm never getting back.

Suddenly bright yellow eyes came out of nowhere.

Stephen screamed.

And this yellow eyes belonged to Harvey Weinstein.

Harvey: Hiya Stephen.

Stephen: Harvey Weinstein?

Harvey: That is right. Harvey Weinstein, the executive producer.

Stephen: What are you doing down in the sewer?

Harvey: I was wandering around America until the wind blew me into the sewer.

Stephen: Why should I believe you Weinstein after all the bad things you've done? And I forgot to ask how did you know my name?

Harvey: I've been watching South Park for a few weeks and I've heard people call you that name. And I guess you shouldn't really believe me.

Stephen: Damn straight. Now if you excuse me, my wife is waiting for me.

Harvey: But not without your ticket?

Harvey was holding Stephen's ticket.

Stephen: My ticket.

Harvey: That's right. So come on, take it.

Stephen: Why can't you hand it to me?

Harvey: Just take it.

Stephen: I think it would be easier if you just hand me the ticket.

Harvey: I think it would be easy if you take it.

Stephen: Hand it over!

Harvey: Take it!

Stephen: Alright fine!

Stephen reaches out for his ticket, when all of a sudden; Harvey grabs Stephen's sleeve and tears a bit of his raincoat off.

Stephen screamed.

Stephen: Linda! Linda!

Stephen starts to crawl.

Suddenly Harvey grabs Stephen's leg and drags him into the sewer.

Stephen's screams were silenced.

South Park elementary.

4th grade class.

Mrs Nelson was sitting at her desk looking rather nervous.

Butters: Mrs Nelson.

Mrs Nelson screamed.

Mrs Nelson: Sorry, I've been very uneasy.

Nichole: Mrs Nelson, we've been sitting here for 30 minutes and you haven't even began today's lesson.

Mrs Nelson: Alright, lets begin. We will start by discussing the-

Mrs Nelson's POV.

Mrs Nelson notices Harvey Weinstein sitting on a desk and gives Mrs Nelson a wave.

Mrs Nelson screams and hides underneath her desk.

Jimmy: W-w-what was that?

Butters: I only waved at her.

Cartman: No. You exist. Thats what scared her.

Butters: Oh.

Hallway.

Kyle and Token were discussing by the lockers.

Token: And than in the first three minutes the movie made a dick move and killed John Conner.

Kyle: What?!

Token: I know right?

Suddenly Mrs Nelson approaches the boys.

Kyle: Hey Mrs Nelson.

Mrs Nelson: He's here.

Token: Who?

Mrs Nelson: Harvey Weinstein is in South Park! Harvey Weinstein is in South Park!

Kyle: Mrs Nelson, that's ridiculous!

Mrs Nelson: You need to leave! You need to leave now!

Mrs Nelson starts to run around the hallway screaming her head off.

Mrs Nelson: Evacuate the town! Evacuate the town!

Mr Mackey and Mr Adler exit their offices.

Mr Adler: Mrs Nelson, you ok?

Mr Mackey: Why are you panicking? Mmkay.

Mrs Nelson: He's here.

Mr Adler: Who's here?

Mrs Nelson: Weinstein! Harvey Weinstein is here!

Mr Mackey: What? He isn't here mmkay.

Mrs Nelson: He is! He is! He is!

Token: What's wrong with her?

Kyle: I have no idea.

Stan just stares at Mrs Nelson with a shocked look on his face.

At the end of the school day.

Broflovski Residence.

Kyle entered his home to see no one home yet.

Kyle went upstairs to his room.

As Kyle was in his room, he couldn't help but stare at a picture that wasn't there before.

Kyle takes a closer look at the picture and realises it looks like a painting of his Dad getting raped by Harvey Weinstein.

Kyle: What the fuck?

Suddenly Kyle sees Harvey Weinstein hanging outside his house giving him an evil smile.

Kyle screams and runs out of his room.

When he ran out of his room, he ran into his Dad.

Gerald: Whoah! Kyle! What's wrong?

Kyle: Did you get raped?

Gerald: What?!

Kyle: Did you get raped?!

Gerald: Kyle! What kind of shocking question is that?!

Kyle: I saw a picture of you getting raped by Harvey Weinstein!

Gerald: Where?

Kyle: In my room. And than I saw Harvey Weinstein hanging outside the house and he gave me an evil smile.

Gerald enters Kyle's room and screams.

Kyle: Do you see it?

Gerald: Kyle! Don't look at the picture!

Kyle enters his room and realises the picture was replaced with a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Kyle: Oh my God! That wasn't there before!

Gerald: I know!

Kyle: Tear it down quick! Quick!

Suddenly Kyle and Gerald here a sinister laugh.

Testaburger residence.

Wendy was in her room studying.

Wendy turned the page of her book and saw the name Randy Marsh written in her book.

Wendy: What the?

Wendy turned the page again and saw the name Stephen Stotch written in her book.

Wendy: Huh?

As Wendy continued turning the pages more names started showing up and they were Harold Tucker, Principal Victoria and than finally Wendy Testaburger.

Wendy: What does this mean?

Wendy than turned the page again and it said "I did the old in, out with them".

Wendy: What?

Wendy turns her chair around and sees Harvey Weinstein.

Harvey: Hiya Wendy.

Wendy screams and falls out of her chair.

When Wendy looks at where Harvey was standing, he was no longer there.

Wendy: Maybe I imagined it.

Wendy than notices muddy foot prints on her carpet.

Wendy: Or not.

Starks Pond.

Butters was out for a stroll.

Butters: Lu Lu Lu Lu, I got some apples. Lu Lu Lu Lu you've got some too, Lu Lu Lu Lu lets-

Voice: Make some applesauce, Take off our clothes and Lu Lu Lu!

Butters: Huh?

Butters follows the sound of the voice.

Butters finds his Dad lying by a tree.

Butters: Oh, hey Dad.

Stephen: Oh, hey Butters.

Butters: So that's where you've been. You just wanted to sleep somewhere different for a change.

Stephen: No Butters. Harvey Weinstein showed me what he called a good time.

Butters: Harvey Weinstein?

Stephen: And Harvey said "he'll show you too". He'll show you too. He'll show you too. He'll show you too.

Butters stood afraid whilst his Dad repeated those words.

Suddenly Harvey Weinstein's head pokes out of the water.

Butters screamed and ran away.

Stephen: Butters, you were supposed to rescue me! When I get home you are grounded! You hear me! Grounded!

South Park elementary.

Butters was at his locker looking disturbed.

Nelly approached him.

Nelly: Hey Butters.

Butters screamed.

Butters: Stay away from me! St- Oh hey Nelly.

Nelly: Butters what's wrong?

Butters: You wouldn't believe me if I told ya.

Nelly: Could you tell me?

Butters: I think I saw Harvey Weinstein yesterday. I saw him poking his head out of the pond at Stark's Pond.

Nelly: Butters it was just a hallucination. I had the same vision of Harvey Weinstein and it turned out to be hallucination.

Kyle: You had an hallucination of Harvey Weinstein?

Nelly: Yeah. I thought I saw him in my closet, but it turned out just to be fake.

Kyle: I've had a hallucination of Harvey Weinstein as well.

Wendy: So have I. I saw him too.

Kyle: You have?

Token: Not just them. I saw him too.

Kyle: How can we be having these hallucinations at the same time?

Stan: You aren't hallucinating.

Kyle: What do you mean Stan?

Stan: Harvey Weinstein is here in South Park.

Nelly: How do you know?

Stan: Because my Dad was raped by him on Halloween.

Nelly: He deserved it.

Token: Nelly! Mr Marsh may be-

Stan: My Dad was actually cool with it.

Token: What?!

Stan: My Dad was cool with it.

Token: How can you be cool with someone raping you?

Stan: I have no idea.

Kyle: Well we gotta find him. Before he rapes someone else.

Nelly: But he could be anywhere.

Stan: And that is why we're gonna look for him.

Token: Well what are we waiting for? Let's go after school.

Cartman: Do what?

Stan: Look for Harvey Weinstein.

Cartman: Aww sweet! Can I join?

Kyle: No.

Cartman: Aww why the hell not?

Nelly: Isn't it obvious? We hate you.

Butters: I don't.

Cartman: Well you need me!

Kyle: Actually we could use you for something.

After school.

Starks Pond.

Cartman was tied to a tree.

Cartman: You guys, we're going after Harvey Weinstein not Kevin Spacey.

Whilst the others were watching from a bush.

Stan: Just try and draw him out.

Cartman: How?

Wendy: Improvise!

Cartman: Why can't Kinny do it?

Kyle: Kenny got run over.

Cartman: But why me?

Token: Just stop asking questions and stand there.

Cartman: Alright fine! How do you want me to grab his attention again?

Wendy: I said improvise!

Cartman: Uh...Ahhhh! I'm a helpless little boy tied to a tree! I sure hope no big Hollywood producer doesn't want to have his way with me!

Nelly: Yeah that's good!

Token: Now what?

Kyle: We wait.

A few seconds later.

Butters: Anyone else think that all the events of Joker were just in Arthur's head?

Stan: What?

Butters: I'm pretty sure the entirety of Joker was in Arthur's head.

Kyle: I found the ending pretty straight forward.

Nelly: I don't know, he was pretty delusional in the movie. So I definitely say that it was in his head.

Wendy: No. He didn't imagine it. The ending was set years later.

Stan: I don't know Wendy, I have to agree with Butters and Nelly on this one.

Token: I say we see this movie again to try and figure out what the ending meant.

Stan: I'm pretty sure there are thousands videos discussing the ending on YouTube.

Token: But that's those. I say we see it again.

Kyle: Alright. Let's go guys.

3 hours later.

Tweek coffee.

The group were drinking some coffee and laughing.

Kyle: And than Cartman pulled his pants down to see how big it was and than Clyde was like "Where is it?".

The group laughed.

Nelly: Ok. Enough dick jokes.

Butters: You know that story of Eric makes me feel like we're forgetting something.

Kyle: What exactly?

Stan: Yeah I'm getting that feeling as well.

Kyle: Aww shit!

Nelly: What?

Kyle: That gym story of Cartman made me realise...

Stan: Realise what?

Kyle: That I left my gym wear back at school.

Butters: Aww that sucks. Maybe that's why I feel like somethings missing.

Stan: I mean what else could we have forgotten.

Tegridy Farms.

Stan was sleeping until he woke up.

Stan: Oh fuck.

Stan grabbed his phone and called Kyle.

Broflovski residence.

Kyle was sleeping until the ringing of his phone woke him up.

Kyle: Hello?

Stan: Dude. I should've told the court that my Dad murdered Winnie The Pooh while he was in China.

Kyle: Yeah. You should've.

Stan: Than again they let him get away with terrorism, so it doesn't matter now.

Kyle: Yeah. Goodnight Stan.

Stan: Goodnight Kyle.

Stan hung up and went back to sleep.

The next day.

School hallway.

Stan was retrieving some stuff from his locker until Kyle and Token approached him.

Token: Stan!

Stan: What?

Kyle: We left Cartman back at Starks Pond!

Stan: What?! Oh my God!

Later.

Stan, Wendy, Kyle, Token, Butters and Nelly went to see if Cartman was still tied to the tree.

When they got to Starks Pond, he was gone.

Stan: Oh no.

Nelly: I mean we wanted him to get what he deserved. But getting raped by Harvey Weinstein, definitely not.

Stan: What were we doing?

Token: We saw Joker again because of an argument.

Kyle: Of course.

Wendy: What are we gonna do now?

Stan: We're gonna have to look for him.

Nelly: What do you mean we have to look for him? Cartman or Harvey Weinstein? Because either way, it is insane.

Stan: Both.

Wendy: But we don't know where Harvey could be.

Token: No. But I know a guy who knows another guy who knows a guy who might know.

Later.

Token: And so we really need your help to track down Harvey Weinstein because we know you like marking sightings of him.

The person Token was speaking to was Nathan.

Nathan: I like Marvel.

Kyle: Look Nathan cut the bullshit we know you're not that retarded.

Nathan: Alright, I'll stop. I've been keeping track on Weinstein one year after his accusations. He's been laying low.

Nathan shows the gang a map of South Park with 6 red pins and 5 yellow pins.

Nathan: These red pins are the sightings of Harvey Weinstein and these yellow pins are where his victims claimed to have been raped. And I wonder, how does he get around so quickly in South Park? My theory is, he's using the sewer.

Stan: The sewer?

Butters: What makes you think that?

Nathan: A few of his victims claimed he smelt of shit and piss. Hence my theory.

Stan: Well thanks for the help Nathan.

Nathan: Don't I deserve an award?

Token: Oh. Yeah sorry.

Token hands Nathan an envelope with cash.

Nathan: That's not what I want.

Token: Than what do you want?

Nathan: I wish for Wendy and Nelly to-

Wendy: I think I get the point.

Wendy started to unbuckle her jacket whilst Nelly starts to lift her shirt up.

Nathan: What are you doing?

Wendy: Do you wanna see our boobs or not?

Nathan: I wasn't gonna ask that. I may be a psychotic mentally handicapped kid who wants to get laid, but I'm not that perverted!

Wendy: Oh.

Nelly: Sorry.

Nathan: As I was saying. I wanna see Wendy and Nelly make out.

Stan and Butters: What?!

Wendy: We are so not doing that.

Nathan: Come on! Do it for a mentally handicapped kid.

Nelly: We're not doing it. And besides we got what we need.

Nathan: But...Damnit! I don't have anything to blackmail you with.

Kyle: Come on guys. Nathan gives me the creeps.

The group left.

Nathan: I'll be seeing them soon.

Nathan opens his closet to reveal he has explosives.

Nathan: Wait a minute, what the fuck are explosives doing in my closet?! I told Mimsy his closet.

Mimsy enters the room.

Mimsy: I assumed you wanted me to put the explosives in your closet.

Nathan: No you retard. I meant "The Closet" as in yours. Because your parents are too retarded to look in your closet. Let's just hope my parents don't find out about it.

Nathan's Mom: Nathan! We need to talk about the explosives your friend Mimsy told us about.

Nathan glares at Mimsy.

Mimsy: She asked me what I was doing.

Nathan: Mimsy! When will you learn to keep your fucking mouth shut?!

The sewer.

The group enter the sewer.

The group had flashlights so they know where they were going.

Nelly sprays some perfume.

Kyle: What are you doing?

Nelly: It stinks.

Token: Yeah. Because it's a sewer.

Butters: Ok gang. I say we split up. Nelly you're with Token, Kyle you're with Wendy and Stan you're with me.

Wendy: Can't we stick together?

Kyle: I don't know. I think splitting up sounds like a great idea.

Nelly: I agree.

Token: Not gonna argue.

Wendy: Alright. We'll split up. But if one of us gets attacked, than we'll stick together.

Butters: Ok.

The group split up.

Stan and Butters were walking down the tunnel.

Stan: I hate my Dad so much.

Butters: I know Stan.

Stan: How stupid is this town? They let him get away with terrorism.

Butters: Well because Mexican Joker was real.

Stan: But the Tweeks had evidence! That evidence should've locked up my Dad!

Towelie: What evidence should've locked up your Dad?

Stan and Butters notice Towelie lying by a wall.

Stan: Towelie?

Towelie: Yeah.

Butters: What are you doing in the sewer?

Towelie: I can't remember. Anyone have a joint?

Stan: No. Could you at least try and remember without getting high?

Towelie: Ok. I'll try.

Towelie starts to think.

Towelie: Oh yeah. I was getting high...and than I somehow ended up in the sewer. And some fat guy tried to rape me. But I said "You can't rape me! I'm a towel!" And than he said..."I'm a towel" even though he wasn't a towel.

Butters: Why did he wanna rape you?

Towelie: I have no clue.

Stan: Towelie, I think you were about to be raped by a Harvey Weinstein.

Towelie: Harvey Weinstein!

Stan: Yeah!

Towelie: Oh jeez. I gotta get out of here.

Towelie left.

Butters: Why would Harvey wanna rape a towel?

Stan: I think he is planning to rape anything that moves.

Meanwhile.

Token and Nelly were walking down the tunnel.

Token: Nelly look.

Token flashes his flashlight on the wall.

Nelly: OMG!

There was writing on the wall and the writing said "Harvey taught Randy Marsh some real Tegridy". Token flash his flashlight to the right and there was another piece of writing on the wall and this one said "Harvey grounded Stephen Stotch real good".

Nelly: What a fucked up person.

Token flashed his flashlight to the right again to find another piece of writing on the wall but this one said "#fucktegridy".

Token: Ok. I don't know who wrote that one.

Kyle and Wendy were walking down the tunnel.

But they were walking on the pathway to avoid being drenched in pee.

Kyle: Why did I agree to come here? I hate pee.

Wendy: Well you wanted to find Harvey Weinstein didn't you?

Kyle: Yeah. But if there's anything I hate more than pee it's bananas.

Wendy: What's wrong with bananas?

Kyle: I just never liked them.

They notice a bright light.

Wendy: What the?

Kyle: How is he getting electricity down here?

They follow the mysterious bright light.

The light led to a room filled with puppets.

Wendy: What the hell is this?

Kyle: Hey Wendy look at this.

Kyle grabs a puppet of Cartman.

Kyle (Mimicking Cartman): Ay! Don't call me fat! I'm a fucking idiot.

Wendy laughed.

Kyle placed the puppet back down and notices a puppet of Randy which had an "X" on his face.

Kyle: I wonder what that means?

Wendy finds a puppet of Stephen Stotch which also had an "X" on his face.

Wendy: Did he spend all this time down here making puppets of everyone in South Park?

Suddenly the coffin that was right in front of them starts to open.

Kyle: Maybe he was.

All of a sudden Harvey Weinstein jumps out of the coffin.

Harvey: Beep beep beep, Wendy.

Wendy: Oh shit! Run!

Kyle and Wendy start running.

Harvey starts to make chase to them.

Kyle and Wendy continue running, Kyle was falling behind unfortunately.

Kyle all of a sudden slipped over a banana peel and fell off the pathway into the river of pee.

Kyle was struggling to swim.

Kyle: God! Who would swim in this?!

Wendy: Kyle!

Wendy was about to reach her hand out for Kyle.

Kyle: No Wendy! If you try and rescue me, Harvey will come for you. Run!

Wendy continued running.

Whilst Kyle was struggling to swim.

Harvey stopped in his tracks and stares at Kyle.

Harvey: Well, well, well. Poor old Kylie has fallen into pee. But would you rather die is a good question. Would you take my hand? Or drown in pee?

Kyle: I would rather die in pee than get rescued by you.

Harvey: Or there's a third option. I could dive in the pee and rescue you.

Kyle: No!

Harvey jumps into the river of pee and grabs Kyle.

Kyle: Help! Help! Somebody help me!

Meanwhile.

Wendy made it back to the group.

Stan: Wendy where's Kyle?

Wendy: I think he was taken by Weinstein.

Stan: What?!

Butters: Oh my God. We should've stuck together.

Wendy: Now you realise it?!

Token: Come on! Let's go.

The gang started to go down the tunnel that Wendy and Kyle went down.

Stan: Kyle! If you can hear us! Scream!

Kyle: Help! For God sake help!

The group followed the sound of Kyle's screams.

They make it to the puppet room where Harvey was about to have his way with Kyle.

Stan: Harvey!

Harvey notices them.

Harvey: Why, hello children.

Stan: What did you do with Cartman?

Harvey: You mean Eric Cartman? Oh he's perfectly fine.

Token: You bastard!

Harvey: What? I said he was perfectly fine.

Kyle punches Harvey in the face.

Kyle regroups with his friends.

Harvey: You will let me have my way with you. Especially you Stanny boy.

Stan: What do you want with me?

Harvey: You want off Tegridy Farms don't you?

Stan: Yeah.

Harvey: I can help you Stan. As long as you stand with me, you won't be seeing that farm again.

Wendy: Don't listen to him Stan!

Stan: Well, he is a pretty powerful man. What will you do exactly?

Harvey: I'll make sure your father is evicted, so that way you'll be living in good old South Park.

Kyle: Stan's not stupid to fall for that trick.

Stan: Alright Harv, I'm in.

Wendy: What?! Stan you're not this stupid.

Stan starts to approach Harvey.

Harvey: That's a good boy.

Stan stands beside Harvey.

Harvey: Now, I'll leave as long as he comes with me.

Nelly: Stan! Why are you being so fucking stupid?!

Stan: I may look like I'm being stupid, but I'm doing the right thing.

Token: How is this the right thing?

Stan: It just is Token.

Harvey: You see? He wants to come with me. I will help him out, he doesn't care what I'm gonna do to him as long as he's off that fucking farm. Now, here's what we're gonna d-

Suddenly Harvey felt a pain in his balls.

And that's because Stan had hit him in his balls with a baseball bat.

Harvey: Ow!

The group stands in shock.

Stan: Do you wanna beat this son of a bitch or not?

The group grab their weapons and join Stan into beating Harvey Weinstein.

They continue beating Harvey up until...

Harvey: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! I'll do anything as long as-

Nelly hits Harvey with the baseball bat.

Harvey: Ow!

Kyle: He's begging for his life.

Nelly: Why should we listen to you?

Harvey: I said I'll do anything.

Stan: Really?

Harvey: Yeah.

Kyle: He won't do anything.

Harvey: Than what are you gonna do to me?

Later.

The group were sitting in Tweek coffee looking uncomfortable.

Stan: I can't believe we just let him off like that.

Kyle: But at least he's left South Park.

Wendy: But what if some other town has to deal with him?

Stan: I don't know.

Token: Was it right? Letting him go?

Stan: I don't know.

The group stare at each other in uncomfortable silence.

Cartman: There you assholes are!

Stan: Cartman?! We thought you were-

Cartman: Raped?! No!

Kyle: No captured by Harvey Weinstein.

Cartman: No! You left me tied up to that tree and than I untied myself and got home and played on my XBOX. That's all I did! Unless you wanted me to be raped by Harvey Weinstein!

Everyone: No! No! No!

Nelly: Yes.

Everyone stared at Nelly.


End file.
